Could this also be like getting something we don’t really understand what we are asking for according to promises? Like when we ask for God to give us good things often we mean health and earthly good or at least not so much earthly bad if we are minimalist. But could it be that when we ask for God’s good gifts when we receive them we don’t know it and in fact often think just the opposite? I’m thinking mainly here of theology of cross. When I was in the “dark times” wondering if I was saved, so struggling with that twin darkness of “believers baptism” and “am I elect” every moment of that was a torment to me. Even unto thoughts of suicide which I attribute to the devil’s making it despair. However, looking backward at that time it was a wonderful preparation in preparing me to see the wonders of God’s gift to me in baptism, something I would have NEVER arrived at when I believed “believers only” had I not been tormented by my own doubts of “did I get it right”. Don’t get me wrong those times were dark as dark could be and it seemed that God had abandoned me, I use to think, “I must be the example of the reprobate” and I want to be careful and not mingle the devil’s despair with the despairing that comes with the law preparing for more grace.

But want I’ve seen, I think, is that if you ask for more grace, as I did, thinking some moment of power will come whereby you will become this great subduer of your sins…the request for grace is in Jesus name and has a promise with it. BUT our thinking about what that “grace” will be as I just said, we find, is very opposite. Rather, our sin is shown us more and more and this NEVER feels good and in fact looks like God has abandoned you by not giving you the grace, the kind you thought you’d get, when in fact it is in the opposing direction, not subduing but sin worsening in one’s own site. BUT it is in fact great grace and mercy because you end up fleeing and clinging ever more and more and more to that Cross. Until one day, along comes a Luther to tell you, see how God has blessed you and answered you. Finally, it dons on you. God DID give me grace, I just in ignorance did not understand THAT as grace.

Does that make sense? So that sometimes in true promises given in Scripture by prayers there may be a time that the answer seems “no” when in fact it is a grand “yes”, you just don’t know it yet. Even sometimes maybe the “lead us not into temptation” is answered this way, the opposite of what we think…that is the NOT leading into temptation to say turn from the faith may come in the form of a more rising or showing of one’s sins, thus causing one to flee to the Cross more and more again, so not lead into temptation so as to fall. But it comes in the form of something opposing what we suppose it will.

We pray for more faith, strength, more mercy and greater grace, but it all seems just the opposite as our strength against our sin/sins seems to never ever come. But this is because we understand too often faith, strength, more mercy and greater grace in a human since. Rather, the weakness we are given drives to the greater faith, strength, mercy and grace. But from our side THIS appears again as weakness but in fact is God’s strength. It’s hard to put into clear words but there seems to always be that theology of glory vs. theology of cross oppositions we deal with. But we usually don’t see this until well later, at least I don’t.

Larry – KY